God's Divine Plan

When I was first diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, I thought it was the worst day of my life. In fact, for two years after the doctor told me I had this, I ran as hard as I could from it. I went to every church healing service I could find. I had everyone I knew pray for me to be healed. I stopped taking my depression meds as a sign of faith and I waited for that day to come. But that day never did.

Later, after months of prayer, some people told me that I didn't have enough faith for God to heal me. That just piled more condemnation on me then before. Everyone gave me recipes for faith that would somehow give me favor before God and bring my healing. None of that worked, though I tried it all. What did come was a desire to run from those people who had been praying for me and believing for my deliverance.

Then suddenly, I became so tired from the running that I stopped right where I was and began to ask God what He wanted. What was His purpose in all this? Why wasn't I being healed? Why did I have this horrible illness?

It was then, and only then, that I was ready to hear what God had to say. I began to hear Him by reading His word. I started on the first page of the Bible in Genesis and I read straight through to the last page in Revelation. I did this over the course of many months. And it was there in the pages of His mighty word that I found the answers to all my questions....at least those first questions. Time would bring more.

As I read through those pages, I found that so many of God's great men and women of faith struggled with depression. King David did. So did Elijah. Noah, too, found life to be dark at times. It was then that I found myself among the most blessed and great humans on the face of this planet. Then I found hope.

There had to be a reason for all this. And I believe that one of the reasons for going through this terrible emotional rollercoaster is to help others who find themselves on this same horrific ride with no one to hear their screams.

I thank God every day (well most days anyway),that He has counted me worthy to suffer in His name.

So, to all of you that suffer from mental illness, depression, bipolar disorder, and the like, these words are for you. I know what you are feeling. I know how alone you feel. I know that you think that there is no one who knows your pain. But believe me, there is someone who knows exactly what you are going though and wants to reach down and help you up out of that dark hole.

Stay tuned to this blog, for the insight that God has given me into depression in the Bible. It is there, my friend, that you, too may find hope and learn that you are in good company.